My Selection Box picks are of three games that I did not vote for in the Advent Calendar. Two of them didn't come out this year, which is an easy disqualification, but the reality is that I also don't think any of them truly deserve a place in one of those hallowed chambers.
Yet all three are games that in some way defined my year, and I feel affection for each of them. Let me explain why.
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What did the Sekiro Fan Club say to the bartender at their Christmas party?
]]>Unlike a lot of the team I'd imagine, my opinion is this: I thought the year was quite middling for games. Or at least, it was middling for my own personal taste, which is quite unsavoury at the best of times. Most of my best picks made it into the calendar proper, but a couple didn't. One I hadn't even played properly until after the vote, and the other? The other is a flawed pick, but one that I couldn't stop thinking about.
Anyway, hope you all have a restful Xmas folks and a cracking new year. I hope Santa bought you some nice warm socks or a chocolate orange so dense, you could tee it off at your local golf club.
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What game does Geoff Keighley play now that E3 is gone forever?
]]>I'm quite proud of the delights that we packed behind each door of the Advent Calendar this year, to be honest. All my major choices are in there, plus a few more that I haven't played but I'd watched other people play, and had a swell time doing so. Still, there are always a handful that don't quite make the cut, but still deserve a heaped Christmas plateful of praise at year's end. So here's my selection box, my bonus games of the year for 2024. It's an unusually diverse triad this time.
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What game released this year is set entirely within a jar of anti-ageing cream?
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: I want to role play as a singing gastropod! What game should I play?
]]>I'm a sucker for a good first-person runabout. I don't need to shoot, but it's sometimes nice to get a sword, or a big whip. As long as I get to be immersed in an adventure. I think that's the big theme of my selection box: being grounded within my player character. I want to feel what it's like to hike through canyons with too much sellable loot in my backpack. I want to park my soul in the head of a scared Scotsman way out of his depth, hundreds of miles from shore. The closer I can comfortably fit in my character's shoes, the more I seem to buy into the world they inhabit. Even if that world is constantly glowing a magnificent crimson.
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What's the best news you can hear after a trip to the vet?
]]>If pushed, I’d describe my 2024 gaming habits as eclectic, but that would actually be a lie. All my favourite games for the year are actually very similar: they are all the best. Unfortunately, the realities of sharing website space with several less-correctos means they didn’t all make this year’s advent calender.
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What d'you call a pair of komodo dragons making a sand castle?
]]>2024 was my first full year at RPS, and as a guides writer, it was a year packed with the sort of games that make you roll your sleeves up, wipe sweat from your brow, and stare up at the sky from the trenches, ruminating on what life is like when you aren't dealing with back-to-back Soulslikes interspersed with gacha games that feature incomprehensible lootbox mechanics.
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: Why was the grave robber disappointed when he broke into Ubisoft's tomb?
]]>My selection box isn't really a selection box. It's a tray of barely-nibbled leftovers, hastily lifted from my Steam backlog. One of the disadvantages of being news editor, you see, is that I have developed a goldfish-grade attention span. In my hectic pursuit of the next scoop, or the next Elden Ring update changelog, I snatch and cast aside game demos like a pickpocket speedrunning the checkout line at Harvey Nichols. I'm dimly aware that some of these cast-aside games are Very Good. A few might even deserve to be played for longer than 30 minutes. I feel immensely guilty about that. Perhaps a little... existential, too. I have measured out my life in tutorial levels.
So! Rather than digging out three of the games I've actually completed this year, such as The Crush House, Death Of A Wish and Mask Quest, I'm going to gamble on recommending a few I've barely scratched, but which sure feel excellent and have attracted a positive critical consensus. If I am false in this assessment, may Horace the Endless Bear bite my head off for my impudence. Let's begin.
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What's an etiquette teacher's favourite medieval sim?
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: How can you tell a soulslike fan has fallen in love with a giant ape?
]]>The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt. Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet. A dark promise wriggles within. Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm. Now pull! Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift! The yoke draws near! Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: Why do oil rig workers only drink sparkling water?
]]>Creation is an act of kindness. One person sloughs off a piece of themselves, shapes it, wraps it, and sends it out into the world in the hope that it might mean something to someone else. Other people do this for us all the time and mostly we don't even notice. The work is unseen and unremarked upon even as, through repetition, we come to depend upon it. Until, one day, that light that they shine can't be seen. Maybe you left home, or maybe they did, but now it's your turn to perform such acts of kindness. To carry the tradition forward for others - and for yourself.
Friends, it's time to play Skeal.
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What’s a fisherman’s favourite carol?
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What did Thor say when he saw his brother hogging the mince pies?
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: Where does Basim get his car fixed?
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What do you hang above the fireplace in a cyberpunk space station controlled by a malevolent AI?
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What d'you call it when you need the loo, but incorrectly assume you can hold it?
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What did loveable Geordie Dec say to his double act partner after a tough climb?
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q. What code do dermatologists live by?
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What did the Starfleet Officers call the Chief Of Security's new toupee?
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q. What do you write on your Christmas list when you really want a chocolate bar?
]]>Promise you won't tell the other children, but the RPS staff are actually complex magical spells cast by the Sugar Plum Fairy, as part of an age old pact with the ents of the forest where the RPS treehouse was built hundreds of years ago. Each year the Sugar Plum Fairy has to collect more wishes to power the spells every year (you can help to make the spells more powerful by joining the RPS supporter program). While she's out wish-hunting, here are some Christmas Crackers to distract you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q. What’s Idris Elba’s favourite drink?
]]>I'm going to toss out two more of my RPS Christmas traditions together because frankly it's the last workday of the year and I'm in a tizzy. I trust you will pace yourself and enjoy these traditions responsibily, like a Cadbury selection box. Or slam right through them, that's fine too. After playing Skeal got your toe tapping to the beat and your heart pounding with power and pleasure, you're ready to trash Christmas with a catchy tune in Dracula Cha Cha. And after Skeal also prepped you for pain, oh, here we go: it's Christmas Pain In Christmas Town.
]]>With Christmas barely a week away, it's time to start celebrating my own RPS Christmas traditions. Games to play, songs to time, surprises to spring. Let's start with a wee surprise. Pull on your mittens, fill your flask with cocoa, and clip-click-skkrachk those ski boots, for it is time to play the free downhill slalom game Skeal.
]]>A little known fact is that all of the RPS staff are complex clockwork automata, designed and built by a little gnome with the kind of inch-thick glasses that make your eyes look comically large. We're each powered by a spell that lasts but 12 months, so every Christmas we fall over like sad marionettes. The gnome has to spend a couple of weeks trekking up a mountain to see the fairy who can recast the spells on us. You can help fund his sled dogs and provisions by becoming a member of the RPS supporter program. While he's away, we've prepared some Christmas Crackers for you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q. What is Long John Silver's favourite open-world horror game?
]]>A little known fact is that all of the RPS staff are complex clockwork automata, designed and built by a little gnome with the kind of inch-thick glasses that make your eyes look comically large. We're each powered by a spell that lasts but 12 months, so every Christmas we fall over like sad marionettes. The gnome has to spend a couple of weeks trekking up a mountain to see the fairy who can recast the spells on us. You can help fund his sled dogs and provisions by becoming a member of the RPS supporter program. While he's away, we've prepared some Christmas Crackers for you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q. What goes great with Cult Of The Lamb?
]]>A little known fact is that all of the RPS staff are complex clockwork automata, designed and built by a little gnome with the kind of inch-thick glasses that make your eyes look comically large. We're each powered by a spell that lasts but 12 months, so every Christmas we fall over like sad marionettes. The gnome has to spend a couple of weeks trekking up a mountain to see the fairy who can recast the spells on us. You can help fund his sled dogs and provisions by becoming a member of the RPS supporter program. While he's away, we've prepared some Christmas Crackers for you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Someone stole all the PSU cables out of my PC
]]>A little known fact is that all of the RPS staff are complex clockwork automata, designed and built by a little gnome with the kind of inch-thick glasses that make your eyes look comically large. We're each powered by a spell that lasts but 12 months, so every Christmas we fall over like sad marionettes. The gnome has to spend a couple of weeks trekking up a mountain to see the fairy who can recast the spells on us. You can help fund his sled dogs and provisions by becoming a member of the RPS supporter program. While he's away, we've prepared some Christmas Crackers for you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What's Gabe Newell's favourite carol?
]]>A little known fact is that all of the RPS staff are complex clockwork automata, designed and built by a little gnome with the kind of inch-thick glasses that make your eyes look comically large. We're each powered by a spell that lasts but 12 months, so every Christmas we fall over like sad marionettes. The gnome has to spend a couple of weeks trekking up a mountain to see the fairy who can recast the spells on us. You can help fund his sled dogs and provisions by becoming a member of the RPS supporter program. While he's away, we've prepared some Christmas Crackers for you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: Why does Santa keep falling asleep while playing games?
]]>A little known fact is that all of the RPS staff are complex clockwork automata, designed and built by a little gnome with the kind of inch-thick glasses that make your eyes look comically large. We're each powered by a spell that lasts but 12 months, so every Christmas we fall over like sad marionettes. The gnome has to spend a couple of weeks trekking up a mountain to see the fairy who can recast the spells on us. You can help fund his sled dogs and provisions by becoming a member of the RPS supporter program. While he's away, we've prepared some Christmas Crackers for you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What is Batman's favourite Christmas poem?
]]>A little known fact is that all of the RPS staff are complex clockwork automata, designed and built by a little gnome with the kind of inch-thick glasses that make your eyes look comically large. We're each powered by a spell that lasts but 12 months, so every Christmas we fall over like sad marionettes. The gnome has to spend a couple of weeks trekking up a mountain to see the fairy who can recast the spells on us. You can help fund his sled dogs and provisions by becoming a member of the RPS supporter program. While he's away, we've prepared some Christmas Crackers for you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What happens when you rest your kneel down in the snow?
]]>A little known fact is that all of the RPS staff are complex clockwork automata, designed and built by a little gnome with the kind of inch-thick glasses that make your eyes look comically large. We're each powered by a spell that lasts but 12 months, so every Christmas we fall over like sad marionettes. The gnome has to spend a couple of weeks trekking up a mountain to see the fairy who can recast the spells on us. You can help fund his sled dogs and provisions by becoming a member of the RPS supporter program. While he's away, we've prepared some Christmas Crackers for you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What did Adam Jensen say when he unwrapped a giant knife sharpener from Father Christmas?
]]>A little known fact is that all of the RPS staff are complex clockwork automata, designed and built by a little gnome with the kind of inch-thick glasses that make your eyes look comically large. We're each powered by a spell that lasts but 12 months, so every Christmas we fall over like sad marionettes. The gnome has to spend a couple of weeks trekking up a mountain to see the fairy who can recast the spells on us. You can help fund his sled dogs and provisions by becoming a member of the RPS supporter program. While he's away, we've prepared some Christmas Crackers for you.
Time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: Which RPG character do you always want on your quiz team?
]]>Tradition is a transformative power. Often unintentionally, something happens during an event and, if people want, it becomes more than an occurrence, it becomes part of the event. They repeat it, and they share it with other people in their lives and hearts, and the tradition grows. Often the original food/game/gesture/saying/joke/whatever had nothing to do with the event's core, and that doesn't matter. Sometimes it simply brings joy and feels right. For example, the use of 1956 pop song Green Door in free festive indie game Dracula Cha Cha feels so right that to me, it is a Christmas song. Green Door has run through my head for weeks, and it is once again time for the annual go on Dracula Cha Cha.
]]>Nvidia's marketing team this week announced an Nvidia-branded shower gel and deodorant as a PR stunt for social media giveaways. As far as I can tell, their Sphynx Ampere toiletries do not smell like new graphics cards, so who cares? However! This does make me wonder: which PC gaming smells would you like as a shower gel, perfume, deodorant, aftershave, air freshener, or such? What are the good smells of PC gaming? Which would you eagerly accept as a boxed toiletry set from your aunt this Christmas? I'll go first.
]]>As you might have noticed, there’s just a few days until Christmas lands on us all like an overladen sleigh pulled by some very exhausted and confused reindeers. Overwatch 2’s marking the occasion by turning robotic damage hero Bastion into a gingerbread automaton with a new legendary skin. Seeing as it’s the holidays, Blizzard are charging just a single Overwatch Coin for the skin, which is way, way less than the thousands that legendaries usually cost. Bastion’s fresh look is also quite a bit more involved than some of the other legendary efforts Blizzard’s dreamt up for Overwatch 2 so far.
]]>While our RPS Advent Calendar has been counting down to the reveal of our favourite game of the year, another advent calendar has brought far spookier treats. The low-fi indie developers of the Haunted PS1 community have another Madvent Calendar this year, offering another 24 small horror games and oddities released daily. So far, these have ranged from an extreme snowboarding murder game to a pleasant little online social network where you leave messages for other people by decorating plants and plaques in a sunny courtyard. A lovely thing, and free!
]]>Shipmas arrives in Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 tomorrow, with the game’s Christmas update for multiplayer. The reimagined version of the classic Shipment map - introduced with last week’s Season 01 Reloaded midseason update - will be festooned with decorations, along with the bodies of your enemies. COD now has its own Santa, too, and I wouldn’t want to tangle with him. You can see what I mean, and catch a glimpse of the holiday version of Shipment, by watching the trailer below.
]]>As fun as it is to declare something "a tradition" and blithely repeat it year after year to entertain myself, it has been quite magic to see other people anticipate and adopt the things I've declared RPS Christmas traditions. That's all you need to form tradition: people who want to experience something together. No matter how slight or daft the thing is, what really matters is that we do it together. So please, reader dear, join me for an annual play of Skeal, a wonderful (and free) festive single-joke game.
]]>I have a confession to make. I’m not really feeling very Christmassy yet. There’s only a week and a bit to go before the day itself, and I’ve got all my decorations up and everything. I just haven’t found that festive groove. Cat-wrangling puzzler A Little To The Left has something in its Christmas sack that might spur on some kind of festive awakening though. Between December 22nd and 27th, A Little To The Left’s putting aside its Daily Tidy Delivery mode of randomly generated individual challenges to offer six holiday-themed messes for you to make spick and/or span. Cheers, Max Inferno.
]]>As I lay in bed at 6am today, crying, I knew: it's time. They say Christmas is a season for cheer and goodwill towards all but that's not an observation, it's an imploration. Christmas can be difficult for so many reasons, and that is why we must offer people cheer and goodwill. So truly, genuinely I find great comfort and joy in Christmas Pain In Christmas Town, a novelty Christmas song by a fictional washed-up musician from 90s infobahn detective game Hypnospace Outlaw. May this music video bring you cheer too.
]]>Christmas came and went, a fat goose is waddling around honking a muted honk, and people have put so many coins into the old man's hat that he gets a mild concussion every time he walks the dog. So, not to be crass, but did you get anything good? Rare new hardware? Handy stocking stuffers? A good game in the sales? Hell, I'm just using this as a way to start a chat: how was your Winterval in general? Do anything nice? Eat anything good?
]]>Every year our clone forms degrade, and Katharine spends the winter break copying each consciousness into a new body. Don't worry: we can't feel a thing! Since our new forms are still coming online from their time spent in the primordial flesh soup vat of the RPS Treehouse, we can't post over Christmas, so we've prepared some Christmas Cracker jokes instead! You can help fund the research into longer-lasting clone bodies with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your nice joke!
Q: What medical procedure is taught to all Vikings upon entry to Valhalla?
]]>Every year our clone forms degrade, and Katharine spends the winter break copying each consciousness into a new body. Don't worry: we can't feel a thing! Since our new forms are still coming online from their time spent in the primordial flesh soup vat of the RPS Treehouse, we can't post over Christmas, so we've prepared some Christmas Cracker jokes instead! You can help fund the research into longer-lasting clone bodies with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your nice joke!
Q: What kind of colourful legume is the main ingredient for rainbow humous?
]]>Every year our clone forms degrade, and Katharine spends the winter break copying each consciousness into a new body. Don't worry: we can't feel a thing! Since our new forms are still coming online from their time spent in the primordial flesh soup vat of the RPS Treehouse, we can't post over Christmas, so we've prepared some Christmas Cracker jokes instead! You can help fund the research into longer-lasting clone bodies with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your nice joke!
Q: What roguelite takes place solely within the confines of a French archipelago in the Caribbean?
]]>Every year our clone forms degrade, and Katharine spends the winter break copying each consciousness into a new body. Don't worry: we can't feel a thing! Since our new forms are still coming online from their time spent in the primordial flesh soup vat of the RPS Treehouse, we can't post over Christmas, so we've prepared some Christmas Cracker jokes instead! You can help fund the research into longer-lasting clone bodies with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your nice joke!
Q: What horrible smell travels around corners really fast?
]]>Every year our clone forms degrade, and Katharine spends the winter break copying each consciousness into a new body. Don't worry: we can't feel a thing! Since our new forms are still coming online from their time spent in the primordial flesh soup vat of the RPS Treehouse, we can't post over Christmas, so we've prepared some Christmas Cracker jokes instead! You can help fund the research into longer-lasting clone bodies with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your nice joke!
Q: Which game involves taking a spirit-guide on a magical journey to find a whole grain with excellent health benefits?
]]>Every year our clone forms degrade, and Katharine spends the winter break copying each consciousness into a new body. Don't worry: we can't feel a thing! Since our new forms are still coming online from their time spent in the primordial flesh soup vat of the RPS Treehouse, we can't post over Christmas, so we've prepared some Christmas Cracker jokes instead! You can help fund the research into longer-lasting clone bodies with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your nice joke!
Q: What do all shapes consider to be their father figure?
]]>Every year our clone forms degrade, and Katharine spends the winter break copying each consciousness into a new body. Don't worry: we can't feel a thing! Since our new forms are still coming online from their time spent in the primordial flesh soup vat of the RPS Treehouse, we can't post over Christmas, so we've prepared some Christmas Cracker jokes instead! You can help fund the research into longer-lasting clone bodies with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your nice joke!
Q: Which regimen was set up specifically to help vacuum cleaners overcome their worries and insecurities?
]]>Every year our clone forms degrade, and Katharine spends the winter break copying each consciousness into a new body. Don't worry: we can't feel a thing! Since our new forms are still coming online from their time spent in the primordial flesh soup vat of the RPS Treehouse, we can't post over Christmas, so we've prepared some Christmas Cracker jokes instead! You can help fund the research into longer-lasting clone bodies with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your nice joke!
Q: How do you get to Death's Christmas party?
]]>Every year our clone forms degrade, and Katharine spends the winter break copying each consciousness into a new body. Don't worry: we can't feel a thing! Since our new forms are still coming online from their time spent in the primordial flesh soup vat of the RPS Treehouse, we can't post over Christmas, so we've prepared some Christmas Cracker jokes instead! You can help fund the research into longer-lasting clone bodies with the RPS supporter program.
Now to enjoy your nice joke!
Q: What did Santa say to the elf struggling to pick up a heavy present?
]]>Midnight, one more night without sleeping Watching 'til that morning comes creeping Green Door, what's that secret your keeping?
Jim Lowe's Green Door might not be a Christmas song, but it sure can feel like one—especially inside the festive action of Dracula Cha Cha. That's right, it's Christmas Eve, which means one more night without sleeping, and time to play Dracula Cha Cha.
]]>Today I made a life-changing discovery. Takaya Kuroda, the man who voices Yakuza's beloved protagonist Kazuma Kiryu, is also the lead singer of a band. They're named Takaya Kuroda & Goodfellas and they have a Christmas song out. Not only is this excellent news, I can't get over the fact it straight up sounds like Kiryu delivering some festive cheer. So get comfy, bang this on, and let Kiryu's warm tones wash over you like mulled wine.
]]>The great thing about traditions is: you can just make them up. While some traditions feel more real because they're embedded deeper in our culture, you can start your own whenever you want, and jettison any you don't care for. Anything can be imbued with special meaning and, over time, grow into a tradition you cherish and come to anticipate. So here I am, approaching Christmas, so ready for my annual play of Skeal. Join me, reader dear.
]]>Christmas is coming, PC gamers. The Untitled Goose is getting fat. Somewhere in the distant north, a scarlet priest works his elven minions into a frenzy as he prepares for the rite of the magic baby. Sprouts will be consumed in their millions, the Great Escape snoozed through by bloated grandparents far and wide. Most importantly, gifts of roughly equivalent financial value will be exchanged to demonstrate affection and prolong the reign of capitalism.
]]>Like many people, I've had a difficult year. My dad died, an uncle died soon after, and everything is a lot, you know? Even in the best of years, I find Christmas challenging. That's why I'm filling my ears with the maximalist sounds of a song which knows true suffering, a song from a fictional musician in a video game. Reader dear, it's that time of year: if you've not already started, pour a cocoa and join me for Christmas Pain In Christmas Town.
]]>Have you ever wanted to dress up two of the most treacherous Dragon Age: Inquisition companions as Christmas dorks? Well, now you can! A modder has made Christmas-themed outfits for Blackwall and Solas, turning them into Santa Claus and his little elven helper. That's right, you can now dress up a literal God and potential big bad of the future Dragon Age games as a merry red and green-clad lad. It's what he deserves.
]]>After dropping the ball with Solitaire merch, Microsoft have now done right by Minesweeper with an "ugly" Christmas jumper turning one of the most iconic PC games of all time into a blocky Christmas tree. For £58 (plus shipping), you can tell all your festive friends how little work you actually did on your PC in the 1990s. It's not bad!
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What was 2020's most popular game for angry pub men?
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What do hulking space soldiers use to freshen their breath between blood-drenched skirmishes with horrid aliens?
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What was 2020's most delicious sci-fi co-op adventure?
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: How do vets in dystopian future London diagnose skin conditions in poorly hounds?
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What's the bravest insect?
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What happens when Luke Skywalker eats calamari that's been left out of the fridge for three days?
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What do you call a magical action roguelike where a witch with a poor Irish accent kills zombies, pixel by simulated pixel?
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: Which legendary American character actor starred in films such as The Deer Hunter, Catch Me If You Can, and Antz, while simultaneously hacking and slashing his way through a shattered and corrupted RPG world with no class restrictions?
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What were six and seven charged with, when they ate nine?
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: Which game has racked up nearly two thousand hours of play on the steam account for the Gorilla house at London Zoo?
]]>Christmas music as a genre is rife with earworms (I've got chuffing Slade stuck in my own head right now) but the makers of Baldur's Gate 3 have gone one step further with Christmas brainworms. Larian Studios today dropped the surprise Christmas present of Tadpole For You, Tadpole For Me - a festive song about being infested by Mind Flayer parasites. And yes, the devs sing it themselves. After all, iiiiiiiiiiiiitt's Christmaaaaas. Ah god damn it.
]]>Midnight, one more night without sleeping Watching till the morning comes creeping Green door, what's that secret you're keeping?
With only one sleep left until Christmas, it must be time to play Dracula Cha Cha.
]]>Every year Graham opens the secret panel in the back of all our heads (with a little screwdriver) and removes our batteries so we don't cause any trouble over the break. On January the 4th he'll put new ones in, but to keep you amused until then we've left you a little Christmas cracker with a joke inside. There's one for every day of the break! You can find articles you might not have read, or help cover the cost of fresh batteries, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: How does the adorable spirit Ori decide what to have with their sandwich at lunchtime?
]]>You know what old Father Christmas is missing in all those festive films and games we know and love? A katana with which to sleigh (sorry) his enemies. But that's ok, because Dead Cells' latest update will let you don Santa's jolly red coat and unleash some holiday murder onto loads of monsters - including a new crossbow-wielding beastie. You could also dress up as a snowman, if you prefer.
]]>Some days, you just wanna play a bit of Valorant, you know? But occasionally you're a bit too tired or not in the mood for the tense competitive matches Riot Games' tactical FPS typically has on offer. Which is why the new winter mode is great. Yesterday, Valorant introduced the limited-time Snowball Fight, and I think running around pelting people with snow is exactly the sort of chilled-out social mode this game needed.
]]>On December 15th, Valorant will see its first ever Christmas update, and what better way to celebrate than to pelt your pals with snowballs in a new limited-time game mode. Of course, no snowball fight is complete without a grenade launcher and knives, right? In Valorant's Snowball Fight, you'll be loading up some snowy doom into a rigged molotov launcher, and you'll have your trusty knife to finish the job if the frostbite doesn't take down your enemies.
]]>The Geocities-esque internet of Hypnospace Outlaw is silly fun until you see the tragedy beneath the surface, so it's fitting that the game produced one of the all-time-great Christmas heartbreak songs. Last year its washed-up rocker, The Chowder Man, gave us the present of Christmas Pain In Christmas Town - a straight banger with a delightful music video. I wept, and vowed to listen every Christmastime. I guess I'm not asking you if it's too early in the Christmas season to cry to this song as much as I'm telling you I already have.
]]>While carved pumpkins and turnips have barely begun to rot on windowsills, Christmastime is in full swing as far as the shops are concerned. There's nowt else on this year so sure, let's break out the old Christmas traditions already. And where better to start than Skeal? Pop on your mittens, brew a flask of cocoa, and hit the slopes in this free game to experience the snow, sleigh bells, power, pleasure, and pain of the Yuletide season. It's the best bit of daft wordplay this side of a Christmas cracker.
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What do you get if you play Doom backwards on a massive monitor?
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What do you call the illegitimate children of an absence of matter?
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What is a Muppet's favourite hero shooter?
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
Q: What is a vampire's favourite hearty winter dish?
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
]]>The biggest musical surprise of this Christmas is not the back-to-back Christmas Number Ones for songs about sausage rolls but a monster jam coming in hot from Hypnospace Outlaw. The Chowder Man, a faded rockstar you might have encountered when surfing the information sleeperhighway, released a Christmas song over the weekend. It's named Christmas Pain In Christmas Town and here's the thing: it's an absolute banger. A proper great Christmas song. A friend who doesn't know Hynospace likened it to a Carly Rae Jepsen song, which is one of pop's highest compliments. And the Hynospace-y music video, oh my!
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
]]>Every year we are put in a cardboard box full of straw and carefully packed away in the treehouse attic, until Graham wakes up on January 3rd and chains us to our desks again. It's a cosy little break for us, but we don't want you to feel alone. That's why we've left these special crackers for you, for every day of the break! You can find more articles, or just help us buy a clean box for next year, with the RPS supporter program.
Now, time to enjoy your lovely joke!
]]>As tradition dictates, it is time to play Dracula Cha Cha. You've doubtless already played Skeal this month and been reminded of the power, the pleasure, and the pain we remember at this time of year. Now you're ready for Dracula to collect presents, dance the twist against Zombie Santa, use his Dracula Karate on snowmen, shoot nutcracker soldiers, and ride through Venice on the back of Rudolph's Vespa. You know Christmas is near when you hear Dracula Cha Cha blasting Jim Lowe's Green Door out my speakers.
]]>It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas in the Online modes of Grand Theft Auto V and Red Dead Redemption 2. Rockstar started the Christmas events yesterday, dressing the sandbox worlds in Christmas finery, placing presents under our trees, and firing up the snow machines. I have already won a GTA Online snowball fight to the death while dressed in my Christmas warms so my season is looking very merry indeed.
]]>With snow a-falling, sleigh bells a-jingling, and cookies a-baking, 'tis the season to remember the man who sacrificed his life so humanity might be saved: Saint-14. The legendary Titan of Destiny 2 died after centuries trapped fighting robots who ultimately built a machine to murder specifically him and only him, but today we can save him. As the Season Of Dawn rolls on, from today we can use some 'science' to travel through time and let Saint-14 live again. Destiny 2's Christmas event, The Dawning, started today too but I'm here to celebrate my pal coming home for Christmas. Well, due to be coming home. Pending a bug fix.
]]>We've got a lot planned today in the RPS Video Dungeon™. Assassinating targets in Hitman 2 while blindfolded, building fantastical houses in The Sims 4 against the clock, the 1st Annual RPS Nidhogg Tournament, and even an RPS video channel fan favourite (for I think two of you and one of your dogs), Reviews Roulette. It's live as we speak, too - or any second now - all to raise money for British Red Cross.
]]>
![קודי רכבת סטאר של Honkai [דצמבר 2024]](https://assetsio.gnwcdn.com/honkai-star-rail-bronya-fu-xuan.jpg?width=1200&height=630&fit=crop&enable=upscale&auto=webp "קודי רכבת סטאר של Honkai [דצמבר 2024]")
